Log:The Mandalorian Way: Shoot first then listen

The Ebon Guard is dispatched to wipe out a slaver: Meenda the Terrible. Things are not as they seem.

OOC Date: May 16, 2018
Location: Glindtz, between Known and Unknown Space
Participants: Zandra naMuriel, Hopp Nooram, Siha Archer

GLINDTZ. In between Known and Unknown Space. On a desert planet. Named. Glindzt. Which, if it wasn't obvious, is the planets name. It's so nice, I named it twice! It's a cold desert, not your stereotypical sand dune place, the specific land the group has been dispatched to is called Snettik Gnidolpxe, a gorgeous mountain landscape in the very beginnings of spring. It's late night, because when else do you attack a slave training facility, the facility half-sunk into the ground, a giant dome, the innards of the building like an onion, protecting the occupants from the outside weather which routinely drops down to -50C/-58F, the current weather a balmy -32C/-25.6F, sleeting ice from a storm.

The group, consisting of ....the most adept (inept) of Ebon Guard, Zandra, Hopp and Siha.

They drove an all terrain vehicle, having broken down around three times, so they're behind schedule. Barq had managed to secure them some fake credentials as a small sect of Death Watch who were bringing in a new slave for training. However, due to technical difficulties in the other vehicle and the inability of this small lander cruiser to do shit all space wise, only three could continue on while Vraag, Barq and Ayeeou were left behind to get the other vehicle started and ...dinner bought in the beautiful town of Smaeb Resal, a quaint tiny place. The advantage of drawing straws.

Thanks to Barq the group has been permitted access into the sub-terranian parking garage of the facility which is being driven down now, a long tunnel followed, "So. Okay, uh, our entire plan is down the shithole, so we're gonna wing it. I guess this place has around twenty slaves and one slave master who is training them ..beyond that .." She shrugs, piloting the barely functioning speeder which softly chug chugs, the bottom right half of the thing dragging, sparks flying behind them. Once they pass through the tunnel the parking structure opens up before them, concrete and durasteel, bright white lights, wheeled vehicles sitting high above, giant machines. Waiting for them is a small greeting group consisting of exactly one greeter; Yriah Otatop Tac, a hovering Toydarian, female, a look of extreme pleasure on her face. From outside the speeder she can be heard screeching, "LATE. LATE. LATE." She whips a small reed through the air, snout wrinkling as she gives her head a shake, "MOVE." Apparently she has only one volume.

"This is going to be weird." Siha murmurs, powering down the speeder, the hatch popping open crankily with a press of her finger on a button by the steering console. BOOP. It smells like bantha jerky.

Zan just doesn't even. This is one for the books, if ever they get a chance to write them. She simply gets to look creepy in her flightsuit armour with the bug head, and all the sensors on it. Yup. "Going to be?" Zan says to Siha, shaking her head. "I think this passed weird about two hours ago. It was a hole in the mud."

The plan has broken down, which has forced the Ebon Guard to improvise. Improvise like instead of having a cute young Nautolan as their slave, they've got Hopp. The old coot is stripped down to a loin cloth, his bony chest on display, crazy gray hair shooting in every direction, looking like canvas pulled over a skeleton that someone animated with bizarre vitality. "GREETINGS, alien overlords!" he grates as he stands up in the speeder, making a show of showing off his manacled wrists. "I got- I got so many good years of hard work ahead of me, you- you're not gonna regret this, I- back on Zeltros I was a sex slave," he announces to anyone who will listen, beady eyes scanning around wildly.

Siha Archer hops out of the speeder, the Toydarian fluttering around as she leads the way, "SEXING SLAVES. WE ARE NOT HANDLING THOSE HERE." She's like, near deaf. It's wild. But she leads the way up a ramp that winds its way up into the dome, Siha keeping her eyes averted from the absolutely horrendous body of Hopp though she will, with one pointed index finger in along a dessicated bicep, 'push' him along. Yriah glances over her shoulder to actually look at Hopp, turning her big rotund (but very light backside) around, wings fluttering wildly as she eyeballs the old man, "ESPECIALLY NOT THE NEAR DEAD KIND. HE WILL BE GOOD FOR .." A slight shake of her head. Let's face it, the slaver isn't going to be purchasing Hopp today, but that's not up to Yriah. The ramp opens up wide into a large atrium, plants for food growing in steps hanging from the ceiling, grow lights bright, the smell rich and earthy, daggers of herbs and the like biting into the air, "So, we're here to meet Meenda, we'll be seeing him in person, right? This sex slave here is so ..rich and juicy and ..he has /no/ sexually transmitted infections, we got him spruced up real good."

A grimacing snarl is given from the floating lady who looks pretty damn dismissive of Hopp, "WE DO NOT KINK SHAME HERE." But ..maybe silently. The rows of crops line either side, slaves working on hovering small platforms, mostly older people and the young, maybe a place for Hopp to be put to work and trained, "GARDEN DUTIES, LIKELY." The woman drones on, Siha raising her eyebrows up as she looks at the folks working the plants as they're led off to a double-wide doorway, aliens of all kinds, small, tall, yadda yadda. But only like 10 are in this workspace. Veggies and bundles of herbs go flying to floating basket droids who zoom here and there, "YOU CAN SEE WE TREAT OUR SLAVES VERY WELL, AND THEY ARE TRAINED HIGHLY TO BE USEFUL TO THEIR MASTERS."

SCHOOM. The doors open, and a large office with three guards and a beautifully adorned Askajian, her six breasts bejeweled and her body deliciously round, hair done up in intricate braids which were coiled to look like snakes, a large choker necklace, bedazzled to the nines in bright pink stones, worn upon her neck, "YOUR NEW SLAVE HAS ARRIVED, MEENDA." So says Yriah who bows in the air, a hand across her belly. Meenda rises from her seat from behind her desk, jiggly arms parting to wave at the group, "Come in, /COME/ in, oh my, ladies ..were you only selling yourselves, the /things/ I could do with you."

Her big fat bottom lip wibbles out in a dramatic pout, bright green eyes dancing as she waves for Hopp to approach her, "Oh, you've brought me one not long for this world ..but still, all have purpose, all have a price ..come, come ..turn around for me." Siha will glance at Zan, a brow raising as she nudges her chin to the woman, "You're the one with the good talk ..go on .." Nudge. Nudge.

Zan has been hiding, with her helmet on. seriously. Because last time someone in a place like this saw her face, they wanted to add her to their harem! She was not impressed. She's still not. But at Siha's glance, she sighs, and steps forward. "Not for sale, we two," she says. "Just this one." A pause, and a glance at Hopp. "you heard - Turn around now." He's Probably already doing it, crazy old coot that he is, but still. Zan looks back to Meenda, and then offers a price that's just a little high. Just a little. Because really, she expects to be knocked down to a reasonable price. "Quite the place you have here."

He is ass-solutely already turning around, wagging his bony buttocks at Meenda with enthusiasm. "The name's Hopp Nooram, queenie," the old fart announces proudly, sashaying his loin-clothed caboose from side to side. "I'm- this is gonna be the best investment you ever made, alright, I got a LOT of experience, okay, you just- give ol' Hopp a chance here, okay, and you'll see," he promises, a grimacing smile stretching his leathery skin as he turns back around, bringing his saggy potbelly into view once more. "Listen, I've been applying my hemorrhoid cream real regular and you won't even notice 'em anymore, okay, they- it brings the swelling right down, and the original formula says not to use for more than two weeks but- but- but that's quitter talk, Queenie, and Hopp Nooram's no quitter," a thumb against his chest.

Siha Archer stares hard at Zan, her eyebrows going high up as she mouths 'what the hell', no shooting, no getting into the action? Cripes. "Do you love it? We love it. We take the lost and downtrodden and give them that which no other would; worth." Meenda says with an effusive wave of her arms around, fingers splaying as she gestures to the doors beyond, several holomonitors up on the walls of her office, a work out room it looks to be with one husky female working out, "She's slated to become a guard for a Hapanese Princess .." Meenda offers as she points to each screen, apparently going to give them the cheap tour, "The ones' growing and gathering the crops that keep us going are cycling out soon to work on a few moisture farms on Tatooine, a few on Hoth to replicate what we have done here with our own indoor gardens."

Out from behind the desk she goes, a cybernetic body, six long spidery legs that can rise and fall in height depending on what she wishes, harness held to her body just below the crest of her six bejeweled breasts, "We train each other-" Little heeled feet pitter patter, her introductions and explanations paused as one of the tiny feet reach up towards Hopps' loincloth to lift it up as she eyes his buttocks, bright big cheeks blushing brightly, "We do not deal in the sex trade, but I bet we could train you as the most wonderful dancer." A firm nod, her hands clasping together as bracelets rattle, "I bet you are not. You get 5% of your final sale price, Hopp Nooram, and if trained properly you may fetch quite the price. I know of some with very exotic tastes, you might be in their wheel house." Yes, yes, the more she eyes Hopp the more she sees what she likes, "I always do brag to our clients that I have only the most interesting and luxurious of slaves to sell."

Zandra's price get a laugh, head shaking, "That is what I will be asking from those with interest in this old seductress. No, I will give you this-" And a chunky hand unfurls and a number pops up from her wrist which projects a small hologram in pretty osscilating pinks, "And nothing more. Our slaves contracts are for a year, after that year the slave, you Hopp Nooram, may choose to renew, come on our payroll and train others for another cycle, or take your earnings and go. If you do not like it-" The big plump woman settles a narrowed gaze upon Zandra, "You can take yourselves and go. Without your slave. You'll find I have quite the arduously gathered and vetted knife collection, and I make sure my people know how to use each and every blade."

Siha for her part is staring now, jaw dropped a little, a sidelong glance given to Zan, "Uh ..what?" Siha's helmet is on her hip, so this gaping fish look is clear on her face, "Wait, what?" SHINK. SCHHKKT. The three guards draw blades out from their place at their hips, all the guards females and those blades menacing. Meenda will curve a wild smile, her own blades on her blubbery back though she keeps them at bay for now. Instead she drops one hand to a belly roll, the other hand waving gently in the air, "Death or payment. Your choice."

Okay, that's just highway robbery and no mistake. Zan might even get a bit irritated at this chickie threatening them like that. Lucky for her, Zan's not yet able to wield her stunsaber, but she has a blaster, and she uses, it firing two quick shots at - frag it, someone. Because what else is she going to do? "Unacceptable," she says. "High way robbery is not an option. We have another suggestion for you." and then there's the sound of blaster bolts.

"CAREFUL BACK THERE," Hopp growls at Meenda when she lifts his loin cloth, adding on "No rough stuff!" for good measure, with a side of "Just cause the 'rhoids aren't noticeable doesn't mean I don't notice them!" But then it looks like it's ON, even Zandra is shooting people, and the old nutjob reaches back under his loincloth, revealing the real reason he didn't want her looking too close: he's got a gun taped behind his other gun. With a horrible, painful rip, the gun comes free and he starts shooting wildly, beady black eyes sparkling with hate and probably a whole lot of ripped bandaid pain. "GET 'EM! We- KILL 'EM ALL!"

"WHOA, WHOA-" Siha says as she drops down to one knee, hands coming up high over her head, waving done, "WHY ARE YOU GUYS SHOOTING? DIDN'T YOU HEAR HER? THEY FREE SLAVES. DUDE, THIS IS A FARKIN' HONEYPOT /FOR/ SLAVERS." Grey eyes are wide as she looks COMPLETELY not on board with shooting, not drawing her blade, and remaining kneeled. Is she the only one that listened? This is a freaking employment training center for slaves and who knows how many slavers who've come to drop off slaves have died. Oh man, "OH. OH. WE'RE NOT SLAVERS. WE'RE TOTALLY NOT SLAVERS." A half-turn as she looks to Hopp and Zandra who have gone completely bananas, "IS THIS WHAT WE'RE DOING? WE - " Down one of the guard goes, the woman screaming out as she clutches at her chest, fired on without any real planning by Zan and getting it good in her chest and gut, the woman stumbled back into the desk, Meenda's green eyes alighting with FURY, "NOT SLAVERS?! WHO ELSE WOULD BE ANGRY WITH SO JUST AN ARRANGEMENT FOR THEIR SLAVES." Oh. See. Meenda is a Slaver catcher/killer, and they gun die. Meenda looks upon her fallen guard with pure rage, both her long blades, not unlike Siha's, drawn out from behind her, the medusa haired Toydarian SHNKITING them out in front of her in a totally needless but cool slicing display, "THEN YOU ALL DIE." Siha stares hard at Hopp and his gun, grimacing as she remains kneeled as Meenda and the remaining two guards attack.

Zan just stares, now, literally. "Siha, you took us to kill a slaver," she says, now staring over at Meenda. "I don't know if I believe anything any of you lot are telling me any more. But for the love of all that's in this universe, I'll stop shooting if you stop waving knives at us." Because this is now just ridiculously gone wrong. Zan pulls her helmet off, disregarding all the angry creepy things. "Seriously." The baleful look Zan gives is not at Meenda, but over at Siha. "You just ... " She is careful with the helmet, easily dealing with it lefte handed, while her gun is in her other hand. "And if you do that with knives, does it really work on slavers? Because honestly, I think real slavers would just blow you all the kriff up. Unless this is some sort of crazy con game. And you are really slavers still." Zan's gun now - pointed right at Meenda's head. Steady.

"Alright, LISTEN," Hopp suddenly cries, firing three rapid shots into the ceiling. His blaster only has stun, notably, and it's notable because all three shots are the blue stunny type. "Do you kriffers know who I am?! I'm- I'm- I'm Hopp kriffing Nooram! I'm not some sex slave, okay, I- you can get this body for /free/, see, and- and- LISTEN." The old coot looks crazed, that's for damn sure, unhinged and dangerous, his hair like a gray halo, beady black eyes darting around with manic energy. "I'm Hopp Nooram, and we're from the Ebon Guard, and this little idiot with the itchy trigger finger, she- she's not real bright, okay, but- but- by all the dead gods she'll krif you up, okay, we don't mess around! She thought you were slavers, we- we had bad intel! Some slimy Hutt told us you were slavers, okay, and- and usually I just- I'm in favor of dead Hutts, as a general rule, and- but-" Is this hard to follow? His gun flails about throughout the rant. "LISTEN! This is a misunderstanding and we don't want to kill you but if you make us kill you we'll- we'll kriffing kill you so dead they won't- I got a bomb shoved up my butt," What?! "Way way up there. I didn't want to have to do this but if anything happens to me we- we all go up, okay, I'm- I'm not going out alone, see, I'm taking you all out with me." It might even be true.

Meenda the Gentle, as she's known amongst her rescued slaves, is indeed a rescuer of slaves. Those in Known Space know little of her, and she likes it that way, luring would be slavers and slave catchers to her facility to relieve them of their slaves and, well. Kill them. Then she trains the slaves, contracts them out for a year to get them real work experience out in the world, and then either renews their contracts or, as she said, sets them free, with their earned monies in hand.

And thankfully, Hopp is TERRIFYING while nearly naked, like some old skeleton, and oddly beguiling to Meenda. She will halt in her attack, one blade reaching out from stopping her guards who were mid-run towards the trio to bring them to a halt in their steps. They keep weapons at the ready and Meenda will tilt her head back, staring down at Hopp from the bridge of her nose, body given a shake that sends her boobies shuddering, little gems tinkling together like tiny faerie bells, "I do not know of any Hopp Nooram, but you are not a slave ...and if you vouch for the little idiot .." And glancing down at Siha who's still got her hands up in the air above her head with wide grey eyes like Meenda just saw her for the first time, "And this not so idiot one .." Well.

"I have heard of the Ebon Guard. I've heard of your exploits against slavers. And a Hutt sent you? Of course." The fat lady snorts softly, slinging her swords up behind her, "I didn't think your group worked with the Hutts." Some disdain there, "You know you can't trust any of them." Admonishing softly, her guards standing down and moving to help their companion whom is gravely injured and dying, "Take her to the infirmary, quickly, and dunk her." She then looks at the trio, some disdain on her features, "This is beneath your group. Get out. We'll let you leave but if you come back you'll join the rest of those fertilizing the crops." THE FIRST GROUP TO EVER LEAVE THIS PLANET ONCE LANDING. At least in this section of the place. There's a nice holiday town down the road a few hours. Get a gift for your mum. The group will encounter other 'slaves', those who were gardening, all armed with guns and knives, apparently looking to escort them back to the parking structure, "Too bad, we could have had a wonderful relationship."

Zan just learned one heck of a lesson, she did, yup. She puts her blaster away, and there is a scowl on her face, but it's not aimed at meenda or siha, more at herself. definitely at herself. "Don't blame the ebon guard for my stupidity," she says, after a moment. "I am not - obviously - anything special, but they are." She shrugs though, looking very hard at the woman she shot, staring at the damage done. "Thanks, Hopp," she adds, and then she literally just turns to leave. Not another word."

"Listen," There goes Hopp again. "You're getting off easy, okay," did they not already secure safe passage? Oh well, he's ranting anyway. "You- you people- you don't know what you're missing out on, okay, I could've been a real hell of a slave! This gardening by hand is for- for- no one's doing that anymore, okay, I could- science! We'd... genetic engineering, and grow plants that- that grow knives or- or whatever it is you're into!" Someone get him out of here.

Up Siha rises from her crouch, looking hella bewildered at Zan, her brows going sharply up as she mouths 'dude', Hopps revelation of a bomb up his keester just, she can't get out that out of her head, "I'm sorry, we uh ..we're going ...and Ass-Bomb Nooram is coming with us. Hopp." GLARE. Siha will nudge the old man, grabbing him by the arm if that isn't enough to bodily remove him out of there. Slaves on their hovering platforms wait and crowd about to follow the group as they are led, really without choice, back to the parking garage, "If it's any consolation, I just ..I just contract with these guys a pilot ..I'm not even really with these dudes anymore. I mean. You know. So, names' Siha Archer if you ever need a weapon and a ship!" Shameless self-promotion over Siha's shoulder, her gaze focusing in front of them as she hops into the speeder, either guiding Hopp in or ..letting him get in himself, depending on how he decided to go about it. Starting up their nearly dead speeder she will wait for Zan and Hopp to get in, and slowly backs the speeder out, and it back fires like five times, dies, and she calls out, "I GOT IT, I GOT IT. DON'T WORRY, WE'RE GOING." From the side window which she manually rolled down, "JUST. SHE JUST NEEDS LOVE." "Come on you stupid bantha piece of poodoo-"

Her foot raises up and she pushes her seat back with a simultaneous snap of the seat adjuster to her side then plants a HARD kick in against the console. The speeder briefly flutters it's engine, then a SECOND kick, and the thing roars to life as the 'slaves' descend towards them. Siha reaches her hand out the window and waves it, "No, no, no need to kill us ..I got it." Vroomvroom. Out Siha backs the thing, all the way back out that tunnel out into the blistering cold which howls around them as the doors to the underground garage closes, leaving them out in the cold. Squeeak-squeeka-squeaka- Siha rolls up the window as her teeth begin to chatter, "I swear to the Goddesses ..next time .." A glowering look is given to her passengers, "The day that I'm the most steady in this group is a true sign of how far we've fallen." Grump. Kicking the speeder into gear she'll start out over the sheeting snow laden mountainous paths, the ship dying a whole bunch more and Siha eventually getting out and pushing them the rest of the way in full beskar'gam. Total. Bust.