- "Nevermind him. He's just an idiot."
On the day Yan was born the nurses all gathered 'round, and they gazed in wide wonder at the joy they had found. The head nurse spoke up, said "leave this one alone." She could tell right away that he was bad to the bone.
Zhu Yan arrived on Nar Shaddaa to dramatic fanfare and a parade in his honour, as to be expected for The Legend Himself. A specially designed float carried him around the Corellian District, where females of all species hurled their undergarmets at him in pure desire. The float stopped outside the Government House where the Queen of Nar Shaddaa made her abode, and with charm, moxie and straight up testicular elephantitis Yan had received a ship from the fawning lady and at the same time received the personal Holonet contact number of every female in her employ.
However, Yan was meant for bigger and better things. Knowing that he was above reprisal, he immediately took his new vessel to Tatooine, not in fact carrying any cargo that could cause him trouble with the local authorities, he entered the Tatooine Extreme Ice Sculpting Championship for the first time in his life and won the grand prize of forty million credits with his daring rendition of 'Darth In The Bath'. This earned him widespread acclaim and the position of prized consort of crime lady Tulu'agata, but much to her sadness he turned it down, as it is not possible to tie down the majesty of Zhu Yan.
Upon returning to Nar Shaddaa, the Queen handed total control over the planet to Zhu Yan, such was his talent and magnificence. However, while Yan was ambitious, his true dream was to become a mighty elevator repairman, and not in fact a courier of sensitive and not exactly legal goods. As such, he nobly turned down the role of Grand Pimp Master and walked out with his head held high, leaving behind a string of broken hearts, well wishers, and love letters. He sold the ship he had received from the Queen back to her for twenty million credits and used a pittance to buy the mightiest freighter he could find, a YT-2000 called the Redline. The vessel was truly magnificent, possessing a .25x hyperdrive, quad turbolasers, and an engine that reached 500 MGLT in space. Nothing could beat it. And as such, with his new spaceship in tow, he accosted the elevator repairman known as Sar Yavok and was immediately granted position of Chief High Elevator Poobah in Rebel Yell. No elevator is safe from the magnificence of Zhu Yan!
Having become Rebel Yell's youngest, most attractive leader in the perfectly sensible timeframe of three seconds since joining, Yan quickly grew bored. He was a god amongst mere mortals. He had an entire bedroom filled with women's underwear. Being the Chief High Elevator Poobah was only so fulfilling. And as such, with cries of despair from the ladies of the Resistance and Rebel Yell, he bid them adieu and sailed into the stars.
Legends tell of the day Zhu Yan will return, gracing the galaxy with its presence. It is a story told to children when their mothers tuck them in, a story told to the strippers everywhere in hope that they might discover such magnificence throwing ten-thousand credit chits at them. Will he return? Who knows? Did he even leave in the first place? Why am I talking to myself?! Prepare yourselves, galactic inhabitants. Zhu Yan is magnificent, sexy, and coming for you.
Last Known Appearance
Before you stands the King of Corellia himself. Six foot four and built like Adonis, Zhu Yan is everything it means to be a man. His face was formed from the clay of the gods, arousing all ladies who bear witness to his rakish form. His hair is perfectly coiffed and needs no maintenance from when he wakes up to when he takes a female to bed with him. He is perenially shirtless, his eight-pack of abs delighting all that see them, and his muscles are so mighty that you can use them to shatter boulders.
He is dressed in the loincloth of royalty, coloured the purple of nobility, and on his head is a mighty crown, forged of beskar'gam and set with krayt pearls and Corusca gems. Witness him, witness him and cry out in joy!
|Stavros||Where did you go, bro?|
|Hex||You'd be a good man if you weren't such a good man.|
|Kasia Ashkuri||No one's more dangerous.|
|Naelyn||No one's more fabulous.|
|Ryo Odessa||And I'm the Queen of Nal Hutta.|
|Sajin||Your handsomeness is directly proportional to your density, and you are way too handsome.|
|Jehni'va Cihn||The gangly, dim angel we all deserve. I'm still a better pilot.|
|Nyla Forr||Your mouth is way too smart, I can see why she married you.|
|Siha Archer||Tenacity of a rancor, survival instinct of a lemming.|
|Rheisa Dirleel||Life can't be as simple as hunting rats, right?|
|Sapphira ...?||I could watch you kill people all day.|
|Eriu Jynx||You're trouble, good and bad, and a wonderfully easy mark.|
|Tarion Tavers||It's weird being the sane one when you're around.|
|Trillian Taim||Door's always open, kiddo.|
|Darius Wildes||Here I am on my lonesome and you land TWO.|
|Vasani||You, I don't get. How can you still be so chipper after all that?|
|Tylin Creel||One day you'll forget that nobility of yours, and then we can have some fun.|
|Usha||Hook me upppppppppp.|
|Sar Yavok||Definitely not lending you any money ever again.|
|Gren Delede||That gun you gave me all those years ago? Not so dinky now.|
Theoretical RP Hooks
- A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma - Zhu Yan's entire history, personality, and actions are built upon mountains and mountains of lies with the purpose of completely obfuscating himself. This of course leads to mountains of shenanigans. Have you been caught up in one of Yan's lies? Do you want to?
- We Do Anything, Anytime, Anywhere - Yan is an utter self-serving bastard that doesn't turn down paying jobs if they're worth the risk (and sometimes if they aren't and he's bored). Need something done? Will it get him thrown out of Defiance if Kasia/Hex/Naelyn find out? Call 1800-LUV-YAN today!
- Who Runs Barter Town? - Yan is a man that can get anything for the right price. If you need it, he has it, and if he doesn't, he will, and possibly in bulk!
- Loan Sharks In The Water - You want money? Yan can give you money. But if you don't give him back his money, you may find yourself getting more than just repo'd. (OOC Note: I help people get into the game with 1:1 loans if they need something.)
Are you ready to play the hot new sensation sweeping the nation?
<Arcadia> Sassy Heathen Stavros says, "Zhu Yan is the 0.5x hyperdrive of love: expensive as hell, high maintenance, and it's a tough call whether it's worse when it explodes or when the authorities realize just dirty you're flying... with Zhu Air"
<Public> Galactic President Oriana says, "He'll lure you in with his crumpets, seduce you with his tea. Before you know it you're in a maid outfit scrubbing the beer from his metal shirts"
<Arcadia> Sassy Heathen Stavros texts Kasia: "hows hex? take pics! btw pls bring 1 right arm xoxo <3"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph texts Stavros: I've been gone less than a day, what have you guys done?!
<Arcadia> Sassy Heathen Stavros says, "You have received a multimedia message from Stavros Niarkos. Would you like to open it? Yan's_shoulder_socket.jpg"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph deletes message.
<Arcadia> Siya says, "Zhu Yan, you poor soul. Siya has no interest in worshipping you. Ever."
Cujo (C) pages: You immoral bastard.
<Arcadia> Couch Repairman Stavros says, "This is one of those cultural misunderstandings, I think."
<Arcadia> Couch Repairman Stavros says, "That, or Zhu Yan is enabling Kelnas's drinking problem"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph says, "ZHU YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN"
<Arcadia> Hex says, "What a man"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph says, "That made me think of the Gaston song."
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph says, "Now we need a song for Zhu Yan, what a man, in the style of that."
<Arcadia> Hex says, "Noooo ooooooonne flies like Zhu Yan no one lies like Zhu Yan"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph says, "In a shooting match nobody dies like Zhu Yan?"
<Arcadia> Hex says, "No one's flirting takes as many tries as Zhu Yan"
<Arcadia> Kelnas says, "Zhu Yan! What a man! Drinks booze by the van. He can sing, He can dance! All while sporting a Full body Tan!"
<Arcadia> Couch Bandit Javi Malek says, "In a pissing match, no one pisses like Zhu Yan!"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph says, "In a bluffing match nobody cries like Zhu Yan"
<Arcadia> Couch Bandit Javi Malek says, "No one carves ice like Zhu Yan!"
<Arcadia> Hex says, "No one's got lice like Zhu Yan!"
<Arcadia> Kasia Ciph says, "Or shoots dice like Zhu Yan"
<Arcadia> Hex says, "No one's hair's as incredibly nice as Zhu Yan"
<Arcadia> Wizard of Aus Zhu Yan says, "You are talking about someone who's phone ringtone literally starts with the words 'I am perfection'."
<Arcadia> Wizard of Aus Zhu Yan says, "So please, continue massaging my ego."
Tylin lowers her voice to sound more like Hex and probably fails badly but she does it anyway "Don't say Yan is cute again though, I might throw up in my mouth. Yan's a rash-burned assbasket."
Naelyn just shakes his head slowly. "There are no good or right answers. At the end of the day, I believe you to be a self-centered asshole who has his moments. You are highly talented and I know you are a survivor and if push comes to shove, you will make the call that favors you losing the fewest chips. There are as many different variables to you than there are names people call you. So you, answer the question based on where your heart is, and that is all I ask."
Hex draws on his cigarette as he mulls this over, then exhales smoke and remarks, "Ka, you should eat something," he agrees with Reddie. "I'd offer help, Yan, but I got nothin', unless you want abuse or encouragement. Or encouragement, but yelled at you in an abusive way?" This is clearly the right option, so Hex yells across the hangar, "REPAIR THAT SHIT, YOU GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL DISASTER! REPAIR THE SHIT OUT OF IT! YOU'RE DOING GREAT YOU CATASTROPHICALLY UNIQUE SPECIMEN OF MODERATELY TALENTED HUMANITY!" Hex taps ash off the cigarette, then smiles at Naelyn. "All of us are terrible. Probably all of us should treat the droids a little better, too. Except for that shit one that Nyla owns that keeps attacking me."
<Defiance> Tess Ul'Datha says, "As if we need to spy on any of you... Tarion does something stupid, Hex does something self destructive, Yan does something questionable."
Sar Yavok (Sar) pages: You just need to join the Res and head up our Y-Wings.
You paged Sar Yavok with 'I will ICly steal and sell all your ships before disappearing with the rumour that "The FO got him"'
Sar Yavok (Sar) pages: We'll hold a vigil for you, you fucking hero.
<Public> Eilam says, "Hello"
<Public> Honest Zhu Yan says, "Is it me you're looking for?"
<Public> Cujo says, "I can see it in your eyes?"
<Public> Honest Zhu Yan says, "I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR SMI-I-ILE."
Announcement: Cujo shouts, "YOU'RE ALL I'VE EVER WANTED, AND MY ARMS ARE OPEN WIIIIIIDE"
<Public> Honest Zhu Yan says, "'CAUSE YOU KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY"
Announcement: Cujo shouts, "AND YOU KNOW JUST WHAT TO DOOOOO"
<Public> Honest Zhu Yan says, "AND I WANNA TELL YOU SO MUCH"
Announcement: Cujo shouts, "i loooove you..... *finger to ur lips*"
Announcement: GLOBAL: Admin shouts, "Cujo has issued 50 XP to all players currently online and less than 20 minutes idle."
GLOBAL: Admin gave you 50 experience points.
-(OOC)- Zhu Yan says, "Guys if we die I want you to know that I caused it."
-(OOC)- Grom says, "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED."
"I hate this and I hate you, Yan," Ryo says, looking over at his partner in various crimes. "I just want you to know that. If I die. And /especially/ if you die. If anybody deserves to know that they're hated on the day of their death; it's Zhu Yan."
<Defiance> Stavros says, "Zhu Yan is a scoundrel with a heart of gold, only he sold the gold at a pawn shop to pay off a loan shark whom he owed money to because of losing at blackjack and winning at hookers."
<Defiance> Rheisa Dirleel says, "Zhu, put that on your wiki"
<Defiance> Stavros says, "Exactly _what_ he won from the hookers, I will leave mercifully unsaid."
- Name is in surname-firstname format. His first name is Yan.
- Owns a distinctive Civil War era K-16 Bryar Pistol, gifted to him by Gren Delede and modified for better targeting and insane power.
- Forbidden from mixing drinks or even standing behind a bar after inadvertently making a chemical weapon that could safely be labelled as a crime against humanity.
- Tends to get uncharacteristically hot-blooded when flying for his life. Got particularly noisy when he outran the gravitational pull of a black hole.
- When in doubt, every word out of his mouth is a lie.